What am I doing here?

February 21, 2006, as I looked at my daughters tiny chest breathing new life with every breath, I had no doubt that God had orchestrated every moment leading up to the new journey I was about to step into. There was such promise of life under her rib cage that was wired together. I can't begin to discribe the emotions of relief and vindication. It was also humbling. The months leading up to the surgery were filled with fear and a desparate argument to God of why she should live. He gave me my heart's desire but it wasn't until I submitted my will to Him. I had to accept the fact that she may not live, but that His plan is perfect no matter how it appears to us. My life became so much better once I came to terms with this. I began to see the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 playing out..."'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Now I am sitting here in a small town in Missouri wondering what my future is. I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom and I think that's one of the most important jobs in the world. But I can't help but feeling restless. When I took a church secretary job earlier this year I think in the back of my mind I was hoping it would erase the feeling that I'm missing something. But of course it didn't. Being able to homeschool my kids is amazing and I'm mostly enjoying it. But that doesn't take away my restlessness either. It seems the feeling that there is "more" follows me wherever I go. Why is it so difficult to trust God when He's shown me over and over again that His plan is better than mine?